The Gift of Starting from Zero
Starting from nothing – what does that look like? I’m talking starting from absolute freaking ZERO. For me, it was scary. I knew next to nothing about running outside of my mostly toxic High School environment, filled with eating disorders and feelings of inadequacy. I didn’t tell anyone that I wanted to try something new. There was a high likelihood that I would quit anyway, so may as well save myself the embarrassment and the excuses that I would inevitably be reciting to family and friends. I downloaded the Nike run app on my phone and went out to try to run one mile straight, no stopping. At that time, I wasn’t worried about the pace, didn’t own a GPS watch, and didn’t own a handheld water bottle. How far did I make it? On my first attempt I think I made it half a mile at the most. And that was HARD. I was 27 years old at the time and shocked by how out of shape I was. I was embarrassed. I used to be in such good shape, in High School I ran track and excelled in tennis. High School was not THAT long ago….oh wait.
Meeting yourself
We all go through seasons of life – this one of mine was called ‘Reintroduction‘. Up until that point, I had always had it in the back of my mind that I 
I had to meet myself where I was….and that was at the very beginning. Let me be honest here – I have always enjoyed exercise. At this point in my life I was going to the gym, I was exercising, but it had been years since I made an attempt at running outside. My aerobic fitness was miniscule at best. And let me tell you. The first day back, with my app running in the background and me wondering when a mile became longer that it ever was in the past, was humbling. While nearly hyperventilating after finishing my mile, I was simultaneously excited to try the next day.
These days are the days that will define you.
I didn’t realize it at the time – but my life was about to change.
Accepting yourself
Many people would have given up after that day. In all honesty, I’m a little surprised I didn’t. I came back the next day and tried to run to the same landmark I had quit at the day before, and then ran to the telephone pole just beyond it. The increased distance was almost immeasurable by GPS standards. But in my mind, I just broke down a barrier…yesterday I could only make it to this spot, and I have already surpassed that!? I was a champion.
Obviously I knew that was not true in the traditional sense but gosh darn it I felt on top of the world! I had accepted that I was beginning again and wanted to celebrate what some may perceive as ‘small victories’. Because they felt huge to me, and wow was I proud.
You versus you
In today’s society, social media is rampant. The amount of people one can potentially compare themselves to is infinite. Back in my day (oh my….am I old enough to say this!? tell me no), when I was dipping my toe back into the running waters, the predominant social media platform was Facebook. Instagram was around, but not peak popularity by any means. Anyway, now that I’m self conscious about how old I’m getting, back to the point.
People weren’t posting their workouts on Facebook, there weren’t before/after pictures, and I definitely didn’t see female runners on there. There was nobody to compare myself to, except for me. One thing that was helpful, too, was that I could not remember my times from High School! That could have potentially been a bit deflating (I found out what they were later….and yeah. I was quite a bit slower).
The healthiest part of this new chapter in my life was the fact that I was comparing me to me, hands down. Outside influences weren’t telling me I was too slow or didn’t have the right clothes, shoes, watch, etc. I was happy with my progress and having fun with that progression all on my own! Looking back, I don’t know if I would have had that much joy if I had social media to compare my paces and distances with other people. I was running farther every week and really putting effort into something that I honestly wasn’t all that good at. You don’t have to be inherently GOOD at something that you enjoy, and that’s something I never even considered until right now. Obviously we can’t cut out outside influences, and social media is just a part of life now, but if there is anything we can do in regards to our own mental health and fitness journeys, it is to stay in our own lanes. You are not them, they are not you. Period.
Confrontation
As time went on, I decided to sign up for a half marathon. I had worked my mileage up and peaked at 12 miles for my long run in training. No speed work. No race specific training. Just mild delusion. I didn’t have fuel (I never even CONSIDERED it!), didn’t know how to pace myself, and ended up walking several times. It was the hardest thing I had done physically up until that point in my life.
What is all of this to say? Starting is really freaking hard. I showed up every day that I could and put in the time and effort. Most days were not perfect. Actually, most days I was struggling to get to my mileage or gave up early. Getting in shape is the hardest part, hands down. When you see someone running or doing a workout and they look effortless – remember that this is not their day one! Their day one probably looked a lot like yours. So believe in the process, don’t jump to a level you are not at. Know that in the moment, you’re where you need to be and you WILL make progress.
Belief
I’m going to be completely honest here. There is nothing special about me. I don’t have super special capabilities, I don’t have parents that were elite athletes, I come from a middle class family and I am moderately athletic. I have had to work incredibly hard to get to where I am today. I have fallen down (literally and figuratively!) more times than I can count. What I do have is belief. Belief in myself – that I can do hard things. I started out running half a mile and am currently training for my sixth marathon – how this happened still surprises me to this day. This journey has been gut wrenching, tear inducing, life affirming, and all together amazing. I wouldn’t take back some of the worst runs, the worst workouts, the worst days. Because you know what? Those days where I questioned my ‘why’, are the days that keep me going. I’ve gotten through so many shit days, that I can get through one more.
And I know, at the end of a long dark tunnel there will inevitably be light again. In the darkest and lowest of moments these things are difficult, even impossible, to see. Intrinsically, though, I know. I know I will come out on the other side. And you will too. The point of this? To show that you, too, can do very freaking hard and scary things! I did it. I’m still scared. But I’m also amazed at how far I’ve come. I would never be where I am today if I wouldn’t have done SO MANY THINGS scared out of my mind. I want to help you do the scary things.
Do it Scared
So, my question to you is: Where are you in your journey? What are you waiting to be confronted with? Is today the beginning of a new chapter, and you just haven’t realized it yet? Why haven’t you tried that thing you have been curious about? Why haven’t you made the jump? Open your eyes to the possibilities that maybe there’s something greater for you out there. It’s ok to be scared. Do it anyway. I want to help you reach your running goals, whatever those may look like. Let’s take that first step together. I’m so excited for you. Contact me here, can’t wait to hear from you 🙂